Dang, yesterday sucked. Replaying the events. I drank coffee, delayed breakfast, drank more coffee, delayed lunch, drank some more coffee, then by 4:30pm, the panic sensation set in. I tell you what, I dread with all my being. I was on a roll before 4:30pm, pumping out code. Got the feedback widget posted to gwt-examples, and finished on my GoneVertical.com site. At the same time we are waiting for the attorney to submit the provisional patent for our project. At the same time my pictures are glitching on my home raid array. Samba glitching a read write error. (We should hear back today about our provisional patent). I am like one of those wind up toys. I start winding and winding and winding, and eventually, you wind to far, and it breaks. Well, thats what I did. I felt like screaming, wantint to run out of control. Waiting for my body to go crazy. I was crazy. I feel like just quiting everything when this happens. I felt overloaded with caffeine, excitement, disappointment, worries and the feeling of failure sets in. Like a wave, it rolled over me. It terrifying, snowballing down the crazy hill. Its a panick attack in a doctors def. But for me its the dread of my life. So looking back, I am making adjustments work schedule. But I am going to start calling it my journey.
I have been loading up on coffee, pushing hard, pumping out code. I have wrote over 13114 lines of code so far. Getting closer to beta. In any case, I am not continuing this pace, but changing ways, so I can go the distance.
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