Moving Along

Things have been moving along slower than I anticipated, but things are growing. I finished my first version of TriBling.com site. I will be using that as my front end for my web design and hosting business. I will be adding vinyl lettering to my cars for advertising soon.

I have almost finished my first paid site DrywallInterior.com. This is the company my brother works for. Justin has been great in getting my name out there. Thanks Justin. If you need a drywall job done, contact him. You can use the form on DrywallInterior.com.

I am also working on a project called Gone Vertical. I can't tell you much about it now, but I think there are exciting things in store for this project. To say it should be able to help out peolpe in different ways. Check for more exciting news soon.

Business is Serving

I finally realized a little more clearly what business is, serving others. Therefore its my goal to build web applications/services to serve others. Easier said than done on the web. So I got to figure out how to serve others...

Fear of Loosing it All.

What am I doing? Am I just using up my money to learn how to web-design, make web services, learn how to use a IDE and get experience for the job world. I look out my window in the morning, thinking will I be living here in a year. I love my 5 acres with our house and goats (and now lama), but will I be giving it up for a my own business. Probably, I think I passed the line of return ways back. Its the feeling of fear of failure. Am I able to serve others enough to trade for enough money to support what I want every month? I should I be living smaller. Do I even want that many customers? Can I even generate enough customers. First I have to generate services to sell. I got a few services, almost finished, but can I even sell them? Will they be good enough to sell them? Should I start sending out resumes and look for tech job.

The feeling of failure creeps up on me at nights before bed and in the morning before I head to the office. I feel lost in the wasteland struggling, hiking, walking to a city in the distance that I can't even see. I can't quantify the distance to the goal. How far did I walk yesterday, and how far can I walk today. This must be what artists feel when they take on a big project. How can they quantify how much time it will take to finish what they picture in there mind. I can see what I want, but getting there when I have never been, is something else. Easier said than done. I don't know if I can muster enough energy to surpass my mind wondering into a black hole of failure. I feel like a boat in the Fog where you can only see 2 feet in front of you.

This is where, I ask for the Guy upstairs to help me along. I am learning that faith, belief that Jesus cares about me and will help figure my journey out. So I ask him for help everyday now, hoping that will give me the edge. I don't want sympathy for complaining about the feeling of failure. You can pray for me. (hopefully you pray that I can build my own good web applications/services to help serve others and not a job :) )

This is the ultimate test of my faith. To blaze your own trail is no easy task. This is a test of my character. This is testing me extremely well. I pray daily now for strength to walk further. God be with me please.

I am hoping fear of failure is a war waged one battle at a time. To me I am going where no man has gone before. Can I overcome?

I wanted to write the good bad and the ugly. I figure any journey worth journeying has its struggle. This is mine.

New IDE for programming

My goal is to switch to using Eclipse with Zend and googles ajax tool kit (GWT) for coding web applications. I have been using Quanta and Zend Studio for php coding. I have to say I rather use Zend with ubuntu for php b/c it is smarter with php code.

I am struggling to adapt to the new object oriented programming. I can code using it in the other IDEs, but trying to conform to the new ways with Eclipse is harder than I thought. Meanwhile I need to get my first project done, but I don't like coding ajax applications with the browser quirks from scratch. It takes so long to debug. I really enjoyed listing to GWT seminar on youtube, which is practical and fast! Things that suit my application building.

My Question is, can I learn the ways of java, javascript, php, Eclipse coding and have my applications communicate with the web server. All skills I need to develop FAST to code my niche web services I want to build and sale!

Web Server Preferences

I am trying to get a handle on using ajax for setting my web service preferences. I have been spending alot of time on writing my web service to work in both explorer and firefox. Browser quirks are annoying between firefox and explorer. I aim to switch to googles ajax toolkit, which means I have to learn more java.

People ask me, "so how are things going?" I usually reply with some analogy b/c they never would understand what I have been working on. Its like building a house, I am still on the foundation and finally been able to frame a few walls. Its still hard to visualize progress of the home because I have spent alot of time on the foundation.

So my framework is will suit niche web services that I am building and refining for production.

Server Tuning

Tuning servers is a hole that does not end. If its not spam, its security, if its not security, its memory, if its not memory its sharing files, and the lists seems to go on forever. Its very easy to get into a detailed perfection that one can not reach. Well maybe for now I have realized that tasking is very important, with priority along with that task. Nevertheless I am making progress.

My design server is now configured, with subversion now controlling the file transfer link between the design and production server. I love it b/c it tracks every change that happens in the code. This is a great improvement for me because I can design with out wounding the production server.

I designed a quick web application of taking 4 images and gluing them into one image.

Scatch my Back, I'll scratch yours.

Something I battle with is how much do I give and where is the line on how much you should take?

I feel like I am giving way to much. Lots of Sundays I learn about giving and I always feel good then. But when I give at my or my families expense I don't feel its worth it. And maybe it enables the other person that is receiving.

This whole concept of giving and taking is a huge battle for me. But I feel like I am finally learning that its ok to say no and not to give all the time.

I feel that my Uncle Jim and Aunt Carla have gone the extra mile for me. They have let me setup my server room in there apartment complex in one of the 12x13 suites. They have said I can move a desk downstairs into the retail area, where I can have a storefront presence. For the server room suite, all I am paying is the utility at this time, but in essence down the road I will pay them rent when I bring in more money. But nevertheless they are putting alot of faith in me and giving me tons!! My point is, I want to do everything I can to help them out with labor of some sort and give back. I want to scratch there backs. So I have decided to give them some of my expensive security cameras, which I benefit from too, if I move my desk down to the retail area. I like that kind of trading. I think Jim and Carla see it different, they like giving too. And I think they only like giving if it helps not enables the person to grow.

Scratch my back and I will scratch yours. I like this and I often like to initiate it. But the thing is, so many people don't abide by this rule. And you have to let it wash off like water off a ducks back. But it still frustrates me that people forget about giving back.

I am going to stop giving unless I going to get something back in return, outside of the church and Jim and Carla. I am going to try that out for a while and see how it works.

Feeling of Failure

I feel like I am failing more often than I feel like I succeed. I feel like my project timeliness keep getting extended. Where do I call a project complete? I keep asking myself, does that look okay, work okay, or even meet anybodies desire to use it? Can I even make something on the web that someone would like to use. Can I even complete something? Once I get somewhere, even more options get revealed to me that I could/should implement to make the web application better.

I am starting to understand why applications are released in versions, and why it takes so long to create an awesome application, and why an application never feels complete. I think I am coming to a realization that an internet service are never perfect or will be, especially in my eyes. I just realized, thats why everybody puts beta somewhere on the application. But on my hand, maybe I need to put alpha.

I think ultimately, my feeling of failure comes from the expectation of trying to have the application done sooner than it should be. And that causes me stress, because I know of the inadequacies the application has and the potential it could have. Most of all I think it comes from my perspective of other expectations of me and not living up to them.

This is where I learn perseverance. Can I make it?

Nearing First Project Completion

Finally nearing the first project completion. There are always a million more ways I can go with the project I am doing. I have decided to mark it as phase 1 and will complete phase 2 somewhere in the future.

888 #

I just added an 800 number to my vonage line. This line is used for my security for paging me if the alarm goes off at the server room. You can call me anytime. :)

(888) 620-8892

Pacing My Self

Thursday last week, was a tough day for me. After spending so many hours in front of the computer the previous days, I realized I had to pace myself. I forget, I get burned out after working on code for so long. So on Friday I did some on site work which was great, and now I'm refreshed and feeling rested.

I am real goal oriented and constantly revising my project goals so I can get to where I want to go. This I find takes much self initiation, which is probably one of the things I like most about being self employed but some days, it can be the worst. This is where I guess God teaches me perseverance. Pushing on despite all environmental circumstances. Like putting on race horse blinders. I find myself not able to persevere when I loose site of my goals. I usually think of my goals as my dreams or visions. Some might call it hope. Just writing this reminds me of what I want to do.

Friday was a great day, and things are finally coming together. I have more good news coming soon!

My Friends

I also want to recognize to great friends that help me and with out there support I don't think I would be doing this. Jeremy and Joel, or Joel and Jeremy :). We also are on this adventure together, as we partner on some part of the projects.

Day 11 - About My Mission

What the, making a blog, takes time :). I have decided to write about me, tougher than I thought it would be.

The question is will I start bringing in enough cash to last longer and will I development enough web services that start bringing in monthly subscription fees in the next few months to allow me to earn money.

I have a server room in Arlington, Washington with my own servers. The internet connection and electricity are draining my check book faster than I thought it would. I have developed a php/mysql framework to host web services I developed in a multiuser/permissions framework. Its taken me a few years of working on the side to develop the code to host my own web services. Sometimes, I am proud of the code I wrote, but most of the time, I get this doubt that it won't succeed. But with out taking the risk, I would never know if I could make it. I don't want to look back and say, shoulda woulda coulda, only if. I'm nearly 33, got 4 kids, and a cool wife. I know she thinks I am crazy half the time with all the stuff I try.

I want to thank my Mom and Dad for there support. And most of all I have to thank my wife for her patience.

So here I go, taking the biggest risk I have ever taken. Mostly because I have more to loose this time.